1. THE OSCARS HAPPEN AND PEOPLE WON
(Holy News / News)

LIST OF ACADEMY AWARD WINNERS 2008

2. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

3. Hell on four wheels (and one leg)
(Holy News / News)

Heather Mills: Still a bitch

4. Mills 'n' Thrills and Bellylaughs
(Holy News / News)

Mills and Macca record most depressing dance track since Mr Kirk's Nightmare

5. Set Phasers To Rant
(Holy News / News)

William Shatner makes drunken appearance at Star Trek convention

6. In your face, Williams!
(Holy News / News)

Take That track tipped for Oscars success

7. Beam Me Up, Fatty
(Holy News / News)

Robbie Williams hopes to star in the next Star Trek film

8. Daniel O'Donnell
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...ucking Christmas CD advert? He sings like a bad karoake singer, looks like the ghost of Randall and Hopkirk in that creepy white suit, has a cunty coiffuired haircut and eyes too close together that ...

9. Weather Girls
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

I see your Clare nasir and raise you a Carol Kirkwood

10. Weather Girls
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

I see your Carol Kirkwood and raise you Lara Lewington!!

11. Weather Girls 2
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

I see your Carol Kirkwood and prepare to rake in all the chips as I lay down a pretty much unbeatable Lisa Burke.

12. Captain Kirk would fuck anything....
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

Captain Kirk would fuck anything.