1. SIMPLY THE GEST
(Holy News / News)

DAVID GEST TO STAR IN HIS OWN MUSICAL

2. EVERYTHING IS PRETTY FAR FROM OK
(Holy News / News)

OK host a party which fills up with people you wouldn't piss on if they were on fire

3. Herpes Horror for Hispanic Honey?
(Holy News / News)

Jessica Alba has herpes, claims LA Rag Mag

4. DAY 7: June 6th
(Holy News / Big Brother)

Day 7 in the Big Brother House

5. Dom Joly
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...e series of 'Trigger' and then down the toilet. What a shit name as well - the cunt was about as jolly as herpes. Still, at least those fuck awful impressions of 'man on a big mobile' aren't being don...

6. Lenny Henry on Radio 4
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...nd his music. That's rich coming from this talentless cunt who keeps popping up like an attack of genital herpes. Annoying cunt....

7. My GP
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

I go to you with a blood boil on my belt-line and you take a quick look and say it looks like either Herpes or HIV. My week is ruined, I think I've killed my girlfriend, and the results come negative.

8. Nickelback
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

The musical equivalent of Genital Herpes. They're both very annoying and just when you think they're gone for good, they come back yet again.

9. Russell Brand
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

He is the personification of herpes

10. Thunderbugs
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... but I truly give not a shit when it is. And as for crawling over me, making me feel like I have all over Herpes is just beyond the pale. Go crawl on something else, you hard to kill, millimetre long ...