1. YOU'RE GAVIN A LAUGH
(Holy News / News)

GAVIN ROSSDALE NAMED TOP DAD

2. LOHAN RESPECT
(Holy News / News)

LINDSAY LOHAN FAILS TO VISIT HER GRANDMOTHER IN HOSPITAL

3. FRIDAY, I'M IN BED
(Holy News / News)

BJORK DRINKS A BOTTLE OF VODKA EVERY FRIDAY

4. RAT BY NAME
(Holy News / News)

BOB GELDOF PRESSES AHEAD WITH NAME CHANGE

5. Recruitment Consultant - 'candidates'
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... who don't turn up for interviews then, if they've got the bottle, make up bull shit stories about car crashes, grandparents dropping dead, cats dying, tooth ache. If you don't want the job just fucki...

6. Tim Lovejoy
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...er Cuntjoys presenting style is still as appealing as being locked in a room with Vanessa Feltz discussing your grandparents sex life for a week. "I went to a restaurant the other day and they were ...

7. My Grandparents
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

... old age so much as when I first heard about the passion and hatred that can still exist in the old - Good work Grandparents, you're my fucking heroes!...

8. According to the cinema, we imagine our deceased g...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

According to the cinema, we imagine our deceased grandparents looking down upon us as we complete a marathon or finish building an orphanage. In reality, we imagine them looking down as we pick the cl