1. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

2. GOLDIE DUCKIN' FAME
(Holy News / News)

GOLDIE HAWN ANNOYED BY OBSESSIVE PRESS

3. WIN GOODIES AND VIP TICKETS TO THE KICKERS UMA SHOWCASE
(Holy News / Competition)

HAVE A NIGHT OUT ON KICKERS, GET FREE SHOES AND BOOZE!

4. Goldie Lookin Chain
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

You were an amusing musical take on chav culture for about a week in 2004. The joke has now worn thin. Do us all a favour and give it up. Go and shag some sheep or whatever it is you welsh cunts do.

5. Sweetcorn
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...tle yellow bits of tasteless shite, never digests. Why? What's the point of having a turd that looks like Goldie's smile?...

6. Kurt Russell
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

...lissken, Jack Burton, Macready, and the mighty Gabriel Cash) and a decent enough bloke to have stuck with Goldie Hawn for 25 years now. All round top bloke!!...