1. SOUP OF THE DAY
(Holy News / News)

ITV2 NEW SEASON LAUNCH PARTY PICTURE GALLERY

2. STOP THE PRESS!
(Holy News / News)

DAVID BECKHAM CAN WRITE

3. I AM FOOTY LEGEND
(Holy News / News)

WILL SMITH BEGS BECKHAM TO HELP HIM PLAY 'SOCCER'

4. AMY STILL-IN-THE HOUSE
(Holy News / News)

AMY WINEHOUSE WINS IVOR NOVELLO DESPITE BEING LATE

5. THE OSCARS HAPPEN AND PEOPLE WON
(Holy News / News)

LIST OF ACADEMY AWARD WINNERS 2008

6. SEETHING LAS VEGAS
(Holy News / News)

NIC CAGE SUES KATHLEEN TURNER OVER BOOK ALLEGATIONS

7. YES, BUT IS HE HAPPY?
(Holy News / News)

SALMA HAYEK AND FIANCE ARE HOLLYWOOD'S RICHEST COUPLE

8. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S HAPPENING ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET

9. POW! LOW ROSSI
(Holy News / News)

STATUS QUO ATTACK DOHERTY AND WINEHOUSE

10. TILL DEATH US DO PART
(Holy News / News)

MARRIAGE IS FOR KEEPS SAYS CATHERINE ZETA JONES

11. PLOT WORTH IT
(Holy News / News)

PLAN TO KIDNAP BONO'S DAUGHTER ABANDONED

12. Brad Pitt: Scent Of A He-Man
(Holy News / News)

Brad Pitt is reportedly interested in the role of He-Man in a new film

13. Decima Francis at the MOBOS
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

I just about grasp that you have a valid point to make, love. But shouting a load of non-sequiturs at the top of your voice is probably not the best way to go about it. Bitches... hos... dictionary...

14. Francis Wilson
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Don't stand there telling me the weather with your hands in your fucking pockets.Thats fucking rude.What hold have you got over Sky? They should've fucked you off years ago. Fuck off....The more you'

15. Guy who said 'Francis Wheen' in Sacred C
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

'Northern Monkeys'? How dare you! You sir are what we up north like to call, a 'cunt'

16. Francis Wheen
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

Regular contributor to Radio 4 and the Evening Standard (that's London to you northern monkeys) For describing Chris Moyles salary as "compensation" for mother nature having made him a &quot

17. Sir Francis Bacon
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

Though dead since 1626, his hypotheses on the aesthetics of streaky v. back still sizzle.