1. PUT THE WEED DOWN, GEORGE
(Holy News)

GEORGE MICHAEL'S PARANOID RANT ABOUT THE MEDIA

2. DIDDY WANTS LEONA
(Holy News / News)

LEONA LEWIS TO APPEAR ON NEXT P DIDDY ALBUM

3. AMY STILL-IN-THE HOUSE
(Holy News / News)

AMY WINEHOUSE WINS IVOR NOVELLO DESPITE BEING LATE

4. KISSING COUSINS?
(Holy News / News)

MANY HIGH PROFILE US FIGURES ARE RELATED

5. FELL IN LOVE WITH A BOY
(Holy News / News)

JOSS STONE WOULD GIVE UP MUSIC FOR LOVE

6. WHAT A WASTER TIME
(Holy News / News)

PETE DOHERTY TO HELP YOUNG HEROIN ADDICTS

7. HAG VERSUS HAGRID
(Holy News / News)

TILDA SWINTON WOULD NEVER ACT IN A HARRY POTTER FILM

8. BAFTA AWARDS PICTURE GALLERY
(Holy News / News)

BAFTA AWARD WINNERS AND PICTURES

9. EIN-STONE
(Holy News / News)

JOSS STONE GETS HER CIGARETTE FACTS WRONG

10. I'LL STAND BY YOU?
(Holy News)

ASHLEY COLE ALLEGEDLY CHEATS ON CHERYL

11. A RUSH AND A PUSH AND THE GLAND IS OURS
(Holy News / News)

JORDAN CLAIMS TO HAVE FALLEN DOWN A SET OF STAIRS IN LA

12. THERE GOES THE NEIGHBOURHOOD
(Holy News / News)

COURTNEY LOVE EYES LONDON MANSIONS

13. TARNISHED BALLS
(Holy News / News)

DAVID BECKHAM FAILS TO SEE CANCER CHILDREN IN AUSTRALIA

14. PRINCE HARRY AND CHELSY BACK TOGETHER
(Holy News / News)

COUPLE PLAN RECONCILLIATION MEAL

15. SOUND OF THE UNDERCLASS
(Holy News / News)

CHERYL COLE ADMITS SHE WAS A CHAV

16. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET

17. THE COLLAPSE OF A DISTURBING IDOL
(Holy News / News)

THE BEST AMY WINEHOUSE REVIEW EVER

18. FIRST THE GALAXY, THEN THE UNIVERSE
(Holy News / News)

TOM CRUISE SET TO CHEER UP DAVID BECKHAM

19. TO PIE FOR
(Holy News / News)

NICOLE KIDMAN PIGS OUT FOR MOVIE ROLE

20. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S HAPPENING ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET

21. GUESS WHO!
(Holy News)

Can you guess who the abusive footballers are?

22. WHERE ARE YOU NOW, GOD?!
(Holy News / News)

Pete doherty escapes a custodial sentence yet again - the entire world asks why

23. Keaching It Real
(Holy News / News)

Geriatric actor Stacey Keach weighs in with advice for Hollywood's brats

24. The Church Of England Needs a New PR Company
(Holy News / News)

PR idiot cashes in on Jade Goody's miscarriage with ridiculous CofE press release

25. Disaster Narrowly Avoided
(Holy News / News)

Most shoehorned press release of the day goes to...

26. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

What's happening elsewhere on the internet?

27. Fat(wa) Tongue
(Holy News / News)

Jamie Oliver targeted by Cornish extremists

28. Birthday Greetings, Throttle and Whine
(Holy News / News)

Paul McCartney and Heather Mills to celebrate his birthday together

29. Guilty Greeks Have Got No Rhythm
(Holy News / News)

George Michael Threatens To Leave The UK, blaming media intrusion

30. Kat(ona) Fighting
(Holy News / News)

Kerry Katona walks out of a gruesome Ultimate Fighting contest in disgust