1. IT'S THE EBAY-CKHAMS
(Holy News / News)

BECKHAMS ROBBED. CUE NELSON FROM THE SIMPSONS 'HAH! HAH!' NOISE

2. GQ MAN OF THE YEAR AWARDZZZZZZZZZZZ
(Holy News / News)

THE GQ MAN OF THE YEAR AWARDS PICTURE GALLERY

3. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S HAPPENING ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET

4. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

5. BACKE ON TEH DRUGGES AGANE!
(Holy News / pete)

OR THE SECRET DIARY OF A TWAT

6. WITTY ON THE INSIDE
(Holy News / News)

COURTNEY LOVE'S OSCARS DIARY

7. RATWOMAN
(Holy News / News)

SHARON STONE ANNOYS PETA WITH RAT FOOT

8. THE OSCARS HAPPEN AND PEOPLE WON
(Holy News / News)

LIST OF ACADEMY AWARD WINNERS 2008

9. BLUE BOY VS BOYS IN BLUE
(Holy News / News)

LEE RYAN CHARGED WITH ASSAULT

10. BOYS WILL BE BOYS
(Holy News / News)

CHANTELLE HOUGHTON TALKS ABOUT UNCARING PRESTON

11. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S HAPPENING ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

12. Newsmound
(Holy News / News)

What's happening elsewhere on the internet?

13. Something about the way you look tonight...
(Holy News / News)

Elton John spotted looking like an emo teenager

14. The Crappy, Crappy Sound of Radio One
(Holy News / News)

Full tracklisting for the 40 years of Radio One album revealed

15. I'm Still Standing, unfortunately
(Holy News / News)

Elton John puts comfort before death in suicide attempt

16. Impure And Simple
(Holy News / News)

Sir Elton John wanted to have dinner with Danny from 'Hearsay'

17. Day 46: July 15th
(Holy News / Big Brother)

Ziggy is officially a knob.

18. Spin-Cycle Wizard
(Holy News / News)

Elton John couldn't work a washing machine until he was 43

19. Hilton: Never High
(Holy News / News)

Paris Hilton claims to have never taken drugs

20. PROUST SHITS HIS PANTS
(Holy News / News)

Pages from Geri Halliwell's new book, Ugenia Lavender, is leaked to Holy Moly - and it's a shocker.

21. Gaudy Knight And The Pits
(Holy News / News)

Elton John may not be allowed to build his own art gallery

22. Sting And Styler: You're Fired!
(Holy News / News)

Sting and Trudie Styler lose a case against their former chef Hane Martin for unfair dismissal

23. Britsh Royalty For Sale
(Holy News / News)

US network NBC is reported to have paid $2.5 million to secure the Diana Memorial Concert

24. YOU'RE THE CHUNG THAT I WANT
(Holy News / News)

Ben Elton & Alexa Chung to launch new programme

25. YOU'RE THE CHUNG THAT I WANT
(Holy News / News)

Ben Elton and Alexa Chung to star in a terrible new ITV show

26. Will Patsy Kensit Do?
(Holy News / News)

Hurley's Wedding thin on celebrities

27. Will Patsy Kensit Do?
(Holy News / News)

The celebrity guestlist at Liz Hurley's wedding isn't what it could have been

28. BBC News
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...groundbreaking headline: "Teens get drunk to have sex". Bone idle fucking journalism. Next week: "Ben Elton is a cunt."...

29. Ben Elton
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Just Because.

30. Ben Elton
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Listening to him on 'The One' show the other week. Never have I seen such a smug self appreciating right-on little bug eyed twat. Take him down.