1. THE SELF-RESERVATION SOCIETY
(Holy News / News)

CYBILL SHEPHERD UNIMPRESED BY KISSING MICHAEL CAINE

2. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

3. BILL-BORED
(Holy News / News)

MARIAH CAREY IS BETTER THAN ELVIS PRESLEY – OFFICIAL

4. LOVE, HONOUR AND NO WAY
(Holy News / News)

DID BRAD PITT AND ANGELINA JOLIE MARRY AT THE WEEKEND?

5. SILICONE HARMY
(Holy News / News)

PRISCILLA PRESLEY'S FACE INJECTED WITH CAR ENGINE LUBRICANT

6. ALL KNOCKED UP?
(Holy News / News)

LISA MARIE PRESLEY PREGNANT FOR THIRD TIME?

7. DIG DEEPER AND DEEPER
(Holy News / News)

RELEASES SINGLES ONE A WEEK

8. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET

9. HOP THE LINE
(Holy News / News)

HEATHER MILLS DENIES REESE WITHERSPOON BIOPIC RUMOURS

10. DRUMMING UP PUBLICITY
(Holy News / News)

QUENTIN TARANTINO WANTS TO DIRECT RINGO STARR

11. Day 23: June 22
(Holy News / Big Brother)

Holy Moly discusses day 23 in the Big Brother house

12. Photoshop: making a silk purse of a sow's ear
(Holy News / News)

Pete Doherty transformed by computer wizardry to front Roberto Cavalli campaign

13. THE BEST PHOTOGRAPHS YOU WILL EVER SEE
(Holy News / News)

Hilarious pics of actor Steven Seagal rocking out at a gig

14. THE BEST PHOTOGRAPHS YOU WILL EVER SEE
(Holy News / News)

Steven Seagal live on stage

15. Bono (again)
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

This time for the quote "who's the Elvis in here" when he walks into a room ... I don't know who the Elvis is you balding midget, but I do know who the cunt is ...

16. Elvis Costello
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...s ago, my mate sung (or should i say shouted) the chorus of Oliver's Army at him from across the street. Elvis give us 2 fingers then jumped in his posh car and fucked off. Stuck up four eyed cunt!...

17. Elvis Isn't Dead
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Or whatever the fucking song is called. I don't who fucking sings this shit, but they're a saggy flange of the highest order.

18. Elvis Presley
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

He may be the King of Rock and Roll but he just keeps re-releasing old material. If he can't come up with something new he might as well be dead. Deep-fried peanut butter sandwich eating cunt.

19. Jo Whiley
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...ironic" cover of a pop song. No matter how bad they sound, act like you are after seeing Jimi Hendrix & Elvis play with The Beatles. Remind the listener how Radio 1 is the best radio station there i...

20. Madonna
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Know what I really don't need in my life? A fourty something talentless old bint thrusting her pelvis at me while clad in a purple spangly fucking leotard. Her entire album sounds like a computer bein

21. Maoam fruit chews
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

The last time I had something this synthetic tasting in my mouth it was strapped to a girls pelvis

22. Micheal Jackson
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

There must be a reason why the baby-dangling cunt hasn't been on here. Fucking paeodo-plastic-elvis daughter shagging fucked-up wierdo cunt. I say no more

23. Position of the fortnight in girlie mags
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Thanks to you cunts I've got a fractured pelvis and severe carpet burns on my nose. From now on I'll stick to doggy style. Bastards.

24. Proud parents
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...e a message". I do NOT expect to be greeted with some whining child's annoying three minute rendition of Elvis Presley's 'Return to Sender'. they're not cute, they're not talented and they can't fucki...

25. Robbie Fucking Williams
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Robert, in your painfully twee videos you like to dress up as Frank Sinatra and Elvis. You however are not these people. You are a fat, smug, self-satisfied glorified red coat who due to the infall

26. Scouting for girls
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Elvis IS dead. And you ARE shit. Cunts.

27. Elvis
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

You can knock him down,step on his face,slander his name all over the place,in fact you can do anything,but for fucks sake don't tread on his blue suede shoes

28. Individuality
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

All you young lads out there with your skinny fit, bumster jeans and studded belts, white plimsolls, Elvis Costello specs, Ian McCulloch hair and black military jackets look fantastic. Every single on

29. POSTAL SERVICE [U.S.]
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

Must be the best: Just think of Elvis's Postie - HE GAVE HIS LETTER TO THE POSTMAN; HE PUT IT IN HIS SACK; BRIGHT AND EARLY NEXT MORNING, HE GOT HIS LETTER BACK! And Elvis didn't even have to go to th

30. Sir Bobby Robson
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

For this telelvision exchange, filmed at his house when he was at Barcelona around 1997: Bobby (to television interviewer): "I love this garden. Look at that tree! It's a thousand years old. From b