1. BACKE ON TEH DRUGGES AGANE!
(Holy News / pete)

OR THE SECRET DIARY OF P DOEHERTY OF BAMBYSHABLES

2. ROOM RAIDER
(Holy News / News)

BRAD PITT AND ANGELINA JOLIE TRY TO NEGOTIATE HOTEL DISCOUNT

3. WIN 200 QUID TO SPEND ON MEN'S DESIGNER PANTS!
(Holy News / Competition)

MEN'S DESIGNER GEAR UP FOR GRABS

4. SLEAZY RYDER
(Holy News / News)

WINONA RYDER IN NEW SHOPLIFTING ALLEGATIONS

5. A. PRESS RELEASE
(Holy News / News)

Amy Winehouse: Police To Take No Further Action

6. LISTEN UP SUCKERS!
(Holy News / News)

MR T GIVES HIS ADVICE TO MEN ON VALENTINE'S DAY

7. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

8. SCENT OF A FISHWIFE
(Holy News / News)

KERRY KATONA TO LAUNCH HER OWN PERFUME RANGE

9. FEED THE WORLD
(Holy News / News)

ANGELINA JOLIE COOKS A RANGE OF DISHES FOR HER FAMILY

10. BUFFY THE DISCOUNT SEEKER
(Holy News / News)

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR LIVES FRUGALLY

11. Apprentice World Exclusive!
(Holy News / News)

The contestants for the new series of The Apprentice have been announced

12. Apprentice World Exclusive!
(Holy News / News)

contestants named in BBC's The Apprentice

13. Meg Matthews
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... ahead before you deign to visit a fashionable sports/leisurewear store. And then for insisting on a 20% discount on your £60 purchase. Perhaps minor ex-celebrities need that extra £12, but not for...

14. The 5 Finger Discount
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

Because the best things in life are free.

15. footballer 'orgy sex tapes' and the gym boner are ...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

footballer 'orgy sex tapes' and the gym boner are just two reasons to discount the Victorians' belief that a healthy dose of exercise banishes impure thoughts

16. Insurance companies have introduced a 10% discount...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

Insurance companies have introduced a 10% discount to policy prices for Subaru Impreza drivers who wear sovereign rings on at least two fingers of each hand. Further discretionary discounts for being