1. PASS THE BUCK
(Holy News / News)

IDIOT BLAMES SATC FOR MAKING HER LOSE HER VIRGINITY

2. PUT IT AWAY WOMAN
(Holy News / News)

JORDAN WANTS A HEATED VIBRATOR

3. SPICE UP YOUR WIFE
(Holy News / News)

MELANIE C HITS OUT AS LESBIAN RUMOUR-MONGERS

4. GET YOUR FROCKS OFF
(Holy News / News)

LILY ALLEN IS BANNED FROM BORROWING DESIGNER CLOTHES

5. Britain In(to) Bloom
(Holy News / News)

Orlando Bloom is Cosmo readers' most desirable date

6. Natasha Bedingfield
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Also: 1) For producing a din that is the musical equivalent of Cosmopolitan; 2) For having a fat, cunty brother that can't drive. You are a cunting splitarse of the worst kind. Oh, you brui