1. THE EGOS HAVE LANDED
(Holy News / News)

BEYONCE USES ALTER EGO ONSTAGE

2. GIVE UP THE DAY JOB
(Holy News / News)

NICK GRIMSHAW AND ZEZI IFORE CLEAN THE STREETS AND DO A BETTER JOB AT THAT THAN PRESENTING

3. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

4. GOOD LORD
(Holy News / News)

JORDAN LOOKS DEMURE AT BOOK LAUNCH

5. SLACK EYED PEAS
(Holy News / News)

FERGIE MISTAKEN FOR A TRAMP

6. BROWN WHINGE
(Holy News / News)

LILY ALLEN WANTS GORDON BROWN TO BAN THE PAPARAZZI

7. ALL MOUTH, NO KNICKERS
(Holy News / News)

LILY ALLEN FAILS TO FOLLOW HER OWN ADVICE

8. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

9. I THINK I'M A CELEBRITY SO GET ME OUT OF HERE
(Holy News / News)

I'M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE LINE-UP

10. Night Of The Living Heroes
(Holy News / News)

News from last night's Heroes press conference

11. HOLY SHIT I CAN'T WAIT
(Holy News / News)

Heroes Season 2 press launch pics

12. In your face, Williams!
(Holy News / News)

Take That track tipped for Oscars success

13. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

What's happening elsewhere on the internet?

14. Nicole Richie gives frank interview, sounds like an idiot
(Holy News / News)

Nicole Richie talks about her weight, drugs etc in Marie Claire interview

15. The "please let that not be my fault" award goes to...
(Holy News / News)

PR blunder over Geri Halliwell's daughter's christening

16. "Heroes" poster
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...have even more to choose from in season two (let's face it, the only non-fit women on the show so far are Claire's adoptive mother and Angela Petrelli - that's Peter and Nathan's mum), the one who whi...

17. Claire Sweeney
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Swolen faced, pouting cunt.

18. Marie Claire
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

For the 2 year old scoop that Beyonce has an on-stage alter ego called Sasha, who gives her the ability to act like a dirty whore while performing. This is a story that's so old it was written on sto

19. Claire Nasir
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

I'd pay good money to have her pour hot candlewax on my nipples.

20. Claire Nasir GMTV
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

Raven haired meterological temptress. The wife was suspicious why I had a 20 minute shower this morning, thought it best not to tell her it was because I was having a long hard think about this little

21. Claire Nasir gmtv
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

I'd like to have my cake and eat her.

22. Holymoly
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

For being featured in this month's Marie Claire magazine for being a source of gossip (even if they pulled you on getting a story wrong...)

23. If Claire Nasir from GMTV ever browsed this site f...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

If Claire Nasir from GMTV ever browsed this site for an hour she would either be very flattered or physically sick.

24. LOST SEASON 4 FINALE
(HM Approved!/HM Approved!)

... FINALLY we get to learn stuff wot has happened. Will Ben die? Will we meet Jacob? What the fuck was Claire doing in the cabin? All is rumoured to be revealed... a fucking mazing. ...