1. MASTER CAST
(Holy News / News)

JOHNNY DEPP LINED UP TO PLAY THE RIDDLER IN NEXT BATMAN FILM

2. 'NOT MY MATERIAL' GIRL
(Holy News / News)

MADONNA DENIES CO-AUTHORING HER BROTHER'S BOOK

3. EXPRESS YOURSELF (FOR MONEY)
(Holy News / News)

DID MADONNA CO-WRITE HER BROTHER'S TELL-ALL BOOK?

4. GUY BITCHY
(Holy News / News)

MADONNA'S BROTHER CLAIMS GUY RITCHIE DISLIKES GAYS

5. SCREENPLAY-ING FOR TIME
(Holy News / News)

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL REVEALS SECRECY SURROUNDING BATMAN SCRIPT

6. RETURN OF THE TACK
(Holy News / News)

ITV1 ANNOUNCES RETURN OF OLD SHOW

7. THE OSCARS HAPPEN AND PEOPLE WON
(Holy News / News)

LIST OF ACADEMY AWARD WINNERS 2008

8. WOMB RAIDER
(Holy News / News)

CREW MEMBER CLAIMS LESBIAN AFFAIR WITH ANGELINA JOLIE

9. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

10. DAY 13: I'M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE
(Holy News / Im a Celebrity)

GOODBYE RODDERS

11. DAY 10: I'M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE
(Holy News / Im a Celebrity)

MARC BANNERMAN LEAVES THE JUNGLE

12. DAY 8: I'M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE
(Holy News / Im a Celebrity)

LYNNE WON'T SHUT UP

13. DAY 6: I'M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE
(Holy News / Im a Celebrity)

GEMMA SHOWS HER CLASS

14. DAY 5: I'M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE
(Holy News / Im a Celebrity)

CHRISTOPHER BIGGINS IS EARLY FAVOURITE

15. DAY 4: I'M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE
(Holy News / Im a Celebrity)

CHRISTOPHER BIGGINS ENTERS THE CAMP

16. I CAN GUT A BEAR!
(Holy News / Im a Celebrity)

Im A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Day 1

17. ONE KANGAROO ANUS PLEASE!
(Holy News / Im a Celebrity)

I'M A CELEBRITY SET TO BEGIN

18. I THINK I'M A CELEBRITY SO GET ME OUT OF HERE
(Holy News / News)

I'M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE LINE-UP

19. I CAN'T GET NO... MEDICATION
(Holy News / News)

KEITH RICHARDS MARCHES TO SAVE LOCAL HOSPITAL

20. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

What's happening elsewhere on the internet?

21. Night Of The Living Heroes
(Holy News / News)

News from last night's Heroes press conference

22. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

What's happening elsewhere on the internet?

23. Jenny On The Block?
(Holy News / News)

Anti-fur campaigners force J-Lo to hire more security after delivering death threats

24. GET YOUR ARSE ALONG TO THE BAFTA AWARDS!
(Holy News / News)

Bafta Awards competition

25. Balls Of Fury
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

A complete and utter cunt of a film. That Christopher Walken's a cunt too.

26. Christopher Biggins
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

What a truly useless weapons grade CUNT

27. Christopher Lillicrap
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

For not realising he could change his name when he appeared on children's television in the seventies.

28. Forensic Psychologists
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

This Christopher Foster murder / arson / suicide case in Oswestry? Yes it's all very tragic but the Forensic Psychologists have missed a golden opportunity when interviewed about his motives. '

29. Christopher Lee
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

I was going to list all the reasons, but there really are too many. A true gentleman and a legend, and the fact that he hasn't been given a knighthood is, quite frankly, a national scandal.

30. Christopher Reeve
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

The definitive Superman, and a fucking extraordinary human being.