THE CORNER
| Womens Hand Bags. | Dont worry...i've got my key...No, no...just give me a second....I have it here somewhere....im sure its here...have I lost it?...no, no...its really in here...oh where is it...ill just tip the contents of my disorganised life out of my vortex like bag all over the fucking place and have a hissy fit before finding it....for fucks sake! Just keep your key in your pocket you time wasting fuck lords! |
| Mark Ronson | A Trumpet playing cunt of the highest order |
| Dwain Chambers | Ha ha ha, get the rules through your thick jock skull pal, get caught, get banned, er that's it. Now that you've spunked a small fortune on legal feels, will you be going to Bejing to support your country's team? Didn't think so. WANKER |
| Ross Kemp | Just because you played a baldy cunt in a shitty T.V. show doesn't mean youre a hard bastard. I'd like to see one of them fucking gang bangers smack you upside that shiny fucking head of yours or you accidently step on a fucking landmine. You whisper as if your scared someone is gonna hear all your fucking bullshit you talk. You cunt. |
| The UK public | For making the worlds least talented person (and that includes Jade Goody) Katie Price a multi millionare 'Novelist'. You gullible Cunts. |
| Barack Obama | Liberals, stop wetting yourselves over this guy. You have been conned. Listen to what he is actually saying. He's a hawk. The business as usual candidate. |
| Empire online | You what? So you've got the exclusive fucking trailer for Watchmen then have ya? Nice one. Hang on, at 5 in the fucking morning?!? I might be a geeknerd, but you're having a fucking bubble if you think I'm setting my alarm for that. Get some perspective, cunts. |
| Glastonbury Car Park Stickers | Why the fuck do you still have your Glastonbury car park sticker still on display in the windscreen of your car? You bunch of losers No one cares you went, its not some kind of badge of honour! Pathetic cunts! |
| Agyness Dyen | Turning up to the opening of an envelope, hanging out with Nick Grimshaw and now telling any sad cunt who will listen that youo're going to be a rock star. You're not pig ugly and you wear other peoples clothes for a living, that's it, now please fuck off. |
| Flatmates | Bog Roll and Cleaning Products don't get delivered by little pixies during the night you fuckers. Put your hand in your pockets and chip in you cheap bastards. And while we're at it, stop nicking my bacon. |
| UK Immigration | Making me sit in Sydney for 6 months waiting to get back to my life. Thanks very much you useless cunts. By then I'll have remembered how shit the UK is and won't want to go. |
| Shreddies advert | What an inspirational idea for an advert, the thought of a factory full of piss-drenched pensioners mauling my cereal with their varicose warty paws really makes me want to pour myself a bowl. |
| Facebook Cunts | Oh fuck my life, Lord. 'People you might know'... Dick Darstardly Muttley Eddi Grant Jesus etc etc etc all because I have mutual 'friends' in common with them. Which actually translates as some fuckwitted chav whore that I probably worked with once or went to school with has added them in some attempt to be funny. |
| Zezi, Peaches... | and all the rest of these talentless, precocious, pretentious fuckers. Oh aren't we cool and now and vital. I thought Nathan Barley was a pisstake! |
| McDonald's | What the fuck happened? A few fat people went a bit overboard and now you're catering for the "I-didn't-realise-it-was-fattening-because-I'm-brain-dead" crowd, with your salads, low salt, low fat bullshit. Have you forgetten about us? The thin people with brains that enjoyed a greasy Big Mac once and a while? Your burgers 'taste' like constuction paper and sand now. That's no cure for a hangover. Thoughtless pricks. |
| National Geographic Magazine | If I wanted to sit and read a bunch of adverts on my way into work I would picked up a free Metro. Every other page you money grabbing cunts? |
| T4 on the beach | Tsunami anyone? |
| Des Lynam | You used to be a hero with your jaunty little greetings and off-the-cuff comments on a Saturday then you took ITV's filthy lucre but we could forgive you because you were still quite funny, even if it was only every now and again because you only did the Champions League. Now the Beeb have waved some cash under your nose you're back doing Sport Mastermind but we'd all move for more money but hell fire man, you just sat there reading the autocue like a rabbit in the headlines and with no personality. It won't take much to move back to sacred cow but until you put in a little effort you are destined to remain in the corner. |
| my wife best friend | because at 33 she decided she was bored and had another baby, she likes boyszown and Will Young, she's ugly, proper ugly with black skin tags growing out of her fat neck, she's never had her eybrows done (hense they look like that oasis cunts), she wont let her poor down trodden work like a slave husband have any thing nice, clothes, shoes etc (just in case another female finds him atrractive), she wont let her husband buy a flat screen tv ("cos the people cant fit in the back!"), she cant look you in the eye when she talkes to you, she assumes that if a male talks to her it's cos they fancy her and she must therefore get stressed and worry about how she's coming across, she wont go on the internet, she's fat, and ugly. |
| Myleen Klass | Ok, you’re vaguely pretty, but for the love of God woman, every shot in the M&S advert! Would you stop pulling that fucking pouty face! |