HELP ME IM LOST

Easy peasy. Most posting elements on Holy Moly are all wrapped up in one piece of piss sign up form. Just click here to sign up. If you've already signed up then login using your username and password on the LOGIN area on the left hand of the page.

If you've forgotten your password, don't panic, just click the "forgotten password" on the same box.

To post an image you need to wrap this little bit of code around the URL of the picture, which can be found by right-clicking on the image, opening Properties and copying the URL there.

POSTING AN IMAGE CODE:
Remember to include the quotation marks.
You can’t post images from your computer’s hard drive unless you’ve already hosted them on a site like Flickr or tinypic.

To post a page link simply cut and paste it the URL of the page you want to link to into your message, making sure you put a space before it. If it’s a really long URL, use tinyurl or you’ll break the board and we’ll come round and break your legs.

We do the rest, we’re that good to you.

Well, it's a gossip website, so get all your juicy stories on there. Having said that, most people ignore the gossip part and use it as a kind of online Speaker's corner. But be aware if you annoy or bore people, you'll get shouted at, deleted or generally disgraced.

I am obviously legally obliged to remind you to look at the sites Terms and Conditions for more information etc.

Whilst we try and be as liberal as possible and advocate free speech, the following stuff will just get deleted, whether in context of a joke or a "comedy" character or otherwise:

1. Any form of racist language, innuendo or nicknames
2. Any form of malicious homophobic language or comment.
3. Anything even remotely 'rapey'. e.g. "ooh kick her fucking back doors in and rape her face"

The moderators will delete stuff they deem to be out of order. You may not like it, but tough shit - don't be out of order then. Having said that, they will NOT delete you just for the hell of it. They don't get paid, therefore have much better things to do(!) with their time than sit and wait for your post before pouncing.

It's a messageboard, enjoy it, but... y'know. It's a messageboard.

To be completely honest, we don’t have a clue how it works, but it looks good.
Anyway, it’s another way of searching Holy Moly! The bigger the text, the more popular the search. Or something.

Basically, every time someone searches for something on the site, this thing remembers. The more times people search for something the bigger the letters are. For example:
Jodie Marsh naked
Free £50 notes
herpes
win glastonbury tickets

capiche?

It's easy. Now you don't have to have a computer to see Holy Moly, you can use something called a Mobile Telephone.

Either follow the instructions on the left, or text MOBI MOLY to 63333

You get exclusive content that doesn't appear anywhere else in the form of a 'mobizine'.

Providing you're signed up, a fresh version will appear on your phone at 12:40pm every weekday.

You won't get spam, your number sold on to anyone else, unsolicited sales calls or dubious texts offering you sex. Sorry.

Best of all though, you won't get charged (apart from your regular data charges. This isn't ITV play.)

Find out if the Holy Moly mobile thing will work on your phone.
Just what on earth is a mobizine?
And if you’re still struggling, click here

As well as bringing you the peerless and free Holy Moly! site, newsletter and mobile content, Holy Moly also needs to feed and clothe itself. You can’t walk around in gay shoes alone, unless you want to be arrested or interfered with by John Barrowman.

Fantastic designs on lovely T-shirts, and it’s those nice people at Shot Dead In The Head who sort it out for you too. Have a look here  

Not one but two instalments of The Rules Of Modern Life. Loved by clever and stupid people alike. Buy yours here.

All you need to do is click sign up in the Login box on the left, type out your name, username, email address and a password and click away.

Holy Moly! will then send you a link you’ll need to click to confirm your registration. So, pretty much like any other registration process, really.

NB: Your password needs to be six or more characters long and can contain numbers and lower and uppercase letters. Passwords are case sensitive.

And Then What?
Then you can login whenever and for as long as you want, build you profile, post pictures and videos, send messages and all sorts of other things. Probably.

This is where you sign up to join The Hole, Holy Moly!'s shameless attempt to be the next MySpace and bought by Rupert Murdoch for £50 billion wonderful new social networking device.

Expose yourself to your fellow moles, chat, make friends and who knows, someone might even have sex with you.

It will also allow you to post comments and entries to Cunts Corner, Rules of Modern Life, Heroes etc etc

NOTE: THIS IS NOT WHERE YOU SIGN UP FOR THE MAILOUT - WE ARE NOT THAT CLEVER.

For the mailout, sign up on the left hand side....

Bored of getting spammed on MySpace? Feel like a sweating paedo hiding in the bushes if you even look at Bebo? Forgotten that you ever registered with Friendster? Fall into The Hole, Holy Moly!’s belated attempt to get in on the social networking boom and a place for you to stock all your pics and videos in one easy to find place.

Once you’ve registered (see REGISTRATION), you can…

Piece of piss. Click the SIGNUP button over on the top left of the page at the bottom of the LOGIN box, wait for the page to load then fill in your Name, pick a Username, add your email address and pick a password. Click Send Registration and we’ll send you a confirmation. Then click the link we email you, et voila, as Johnny Frenchman says. Then What? Well, next you login, of course.

ONCE YOU’VE REGISTERED AND LOGGED IN, YOU CAN ALSO POST ON THE HOLY MOLY! MESSAGEBOARD. ISN’T THAT GREAT?

Once you’ve logged in and fallen into The Hole, you can immediately start posting on the messageboard.
You can also view other Moles’ profiles, create your own, add pictures, links and videos and send messages to other Moles.

Follow the links in the Member Options drop-down menu on in the top left hand corner of the page once you’ve logged in. It should all be very obvious how you do all of these things, however, although we know you’re not a bloody idiot, it’s worth noting two things about adding pictures and videos.

To add pictures, simply browse your hard drive by clicking the browse button. Once you’ve found the picture, simply click open, give it a title, click ADD IT, and your picture will miraculously appear. If you want to add a picture you’ve found on the internet, simply right-click on it, “save image as” and then upload it from whichever folder you’ve saved it to on your hard drive.If you use a Mac, this will be a little different, but if you use a Mac you’re probably some stupid haired and difficult glasses wearing designer type who knows all about this kind of thing anyway.

You can add videos from all sorts of video hosting sites, including YouTube, Google Video and some others that we’d never even heard of before. Just use the drop-down Video Provider menu on the Add Videos page. However, you can’t, yet, add videos directly from your own computer. You’d need to upload them to a hosting site (YouTube, Google Video, et bloody cetera) first and then link to them. The instructions for uploading from each of the providers are simple.

Soon you’ll be able to delete everything yourself, but right now if you do want to delete your profile, and we hope you don’t because we like having you here – even the horrible ones – email holymoly@holymoly.co.uk and we’ll take it down as soon as we can.In the short term however, you can delete all the details in your profile by simply clicking the edit link next to The Facts, or clicking the EDIT PROFILE link and manually deleting everything you’ve put in there.
For now, however, only we can take down your pictures and videos.

Sign up the get the unbeatable, uneatable and occasionally unreadable Holy Moly! mailout every Friday. Foul mouthed, first with the news and free. Then spend the rest of the week trying to find out which actor it is that likes to be shat on during sex, and which C-list reality TV twat got caught bumming a dog while shovelling industrial quantities of cocaine up their nose. Holy Moly! will only use the email address to send you the Friday mailout and the very occasional breaking news story, such as, erm, Courtney Love’s death.
It will not be sold on, passed to double glazing sales morons, or given to dodgy companies trying to sell fake Viagra or pills that make you come like a horse.

No. Holy Moly doesn’t do plain text mailouts any more because they look shit, like something from 1999.If you are still in the Stone Age, have a brick for a phone and a wind-up ZX Spectrum, don’t worry (even though you should, you Luddite).
You’ll be sent a link to a webpage hosting the mailout instead. See, everyone’s a winner.

Holy Moly! strongly recommends that you register using a non-work email address. If your employer is one of those paranoid idiots whose email controls mean you can’t even communicate with clients in Scunthorpe or Cockfosters, the mailout will get blocked. Gmail, Hotmail and Yahoo are your friends. To make sure that the mailout is not blocked by spam filters or any nonsense like that, you should add mailout@holymolymailout.co.uk to your address book. If you’re not sure how to do that, take a look here 

Holy Moly!’s given away everything from mobile phones, to trip to Miami, to nights out at the glamorous BAFTA awards. To set up a competition and promote your stuff through the site, contact Holy Moly! here […] or email holymoly@holymoly.co.uk

Contact Mr Holy Moly by email: holymoly@holymoly.co.uk. Or if you want to send something post it to this address 
Holy Moly!
Unit 31 Chelsea Wharf
15 Lots Road
London SW10 0QJ
Remember: The mailout goes out on Friday so be sure to get all your scandalous tales over to us before then so we can include them!

Through here you can subscribe to the Holy Moly! news feed, and get first notice of all the latest news, gossip and competitions. You lucky swine. Click through to subscribe via your preferred RSS news reader.

You’ll find much more information advertisers section of the drop down menu on the left, but, in brief, we can offer you 300,000 users, 1.5 million page views a month and experience of hosting major campaigns and consumer offers. Past partners have included Miller, Tango and 3Mobile. Either contact Holy Moly! here, via the contact box, email us at holymoly@holymoly.co.uk or ring 020 7580 2095 for a full media pack.